Day 97! The day has finally arrived! It’s time for the silent meditation retreat. Ever since signing up I’ve been super excited for this experience! I was sad to leave Pai so soon but I’m excited see how the retreat goes.

I rolled out of bed and set out for breakfast around 9am. It was my last day in Pai (for now) so I went to the very cheap and very good restaurant just down the street from my hostel. My friends Dan and Toby joined me as well!

The two ladies who own/work at this restaurant were excited to see us again and they emphasized the point by loading up all our plates up with delicious food.

I started my day off with a Thai basil with chicken and a watermelon smoothie. It was a great way to start the day!

I went back to the hostel for a bit, chatting with my friends in our dorm room, and then I decided to stop being lazy and go return my motorbike.

I got my full deposit back from the motorbike rental and walked back to the hostel. Since we were heading out to our silent retreat today, we all needed to pack up our bags. The room had gotten a bit messy, so this took longer for some of us than others.

Our bus was at 1pm and we saw on the schedule that we wouldn’t be fed dinner (monks fast after lunch). So a couple of us ran for a quick meal at Nong Beer.

I had a super flavorful massaman curry with rice. After enjoying this meal though, it was time to say “see you later” to Dan and Toby since they were not joining us.

We threw on our backpacks and headed to catch our minivan at the bus stop.

The ride was just as winding and crazy as the way to Pai. Luckily, we’d be stopping much sooner than Chiang Mai since our retreat was in Pa Pae, which is halfway in between the two towns.

It was nice and sunny out for our ride, but because of the smog there weren’t any spectacular views.

After about an hour ride, with one bathroom break, our crew was dropped off 1km down the road from our silent retreat.

It was a hot and sweaty walk with our heavy backpacks, but we made it in quick time to our home for the next 3 days.

Our schedule for today:

Afternoon | Welcome/Checkin

4:00pm & 5:00pm | Tour

6:30-8:30pm | Introduction (meditation)

8:30pm+ | Silent time

9:00pm | Bedtime/lights out

We got checked in and immediately changed into an all white outfit provided by the retreat. It seemed a little culty, BUT the reasoning behind wearing all white is to help not take away from meditation with distractions such as what to wear (or distract others around you by standing out).

After checking in, we were given a book to read that would help educate us on “how to meditate correctly” and also give us pointers to help further our meditation practice.

Before I got too far into it though, my friend Henry and I were taken to our room. It was a very simple set up but it’ll be enough for the next couple of days.

We had a quick tour of the entire retreat grounds… and it’s pretty big! It’s also made on a hill, so I’ll definitely be getting my steps in the next couple of days.

I don’t plan on having my phone on me for most of the days here, so I’m not sure what pictures I’ll get from the retreat, but I’ll try to take some when I can!

I did however have to get my phone before our 6:30pm session to figure out the bus from Pa Pae to Chiang Mai. It was a bit confusing, but the volunteers here were very helpful.

I continued reading my book until it was time to head to our first course of the retreat!

We all sat on the floor waiting for the monk to arrive. The ladies on the left side and the men on the right side. The monk was a bit late, so we sat there for quite some time, but when he did arrive… he didn’t look like what I was expecting.

The monk was a man from Australia. This surprised me at first, but kind of made sense since probably most Thai monks don’t speak English.

Ethnicity aside, the monk dove into an hour long talk about Buddhism, meditation, the ways to meditate, and his personal experience with meditation.

The big thing he touched on was the meditation practice we were going to do. This involved using an anchor to keep us present during the meditation session.

These anchors could be one of four things:

• Breath
• Mental object
• Mantra
• Finding your center

The breath apparently is a nontraditional method. This seems to be the one I’ve heard most though in my personal previous meditation practices. In Buddhism, the mental object is usually a crystal ball, but it can be whatever you want to visualize (as long as it doesn’t have positive or negative connotations). The mantra is a phrase you repeat to keep your mind present.

I can’t remember exactly what the phrase in Thai was, but I’ll write it down next time I hear it.

Something interesting the monk said was that Buddha tried to find enlightenment through riches and through suffering (Buddha was born into the royal family).

He realized that enlightenment actually came from the middle ground of the two. What I didn’t know was the meaning of the word enlightenment. According to Buddhism, enlightenment is when you reach a state of no more suffering.

This brought a question into my mind… did Buddha find any benefits to suffering? Take a breakup for example. This inherently is going to cause suffering, but out of a failed relationship comes learning and growth for the next one!

I asked the monk after class and he said that yes, as long as we don’t dwell or mope in our suffering and we learn from it there can be good that comes from suffering.

This led to a follow up question where I asked, “if enlightenment is the goal, would we be missing out on the benefits from any type of suffering or does enlightenment still teach us these lessons?” To this the monk responded that he didn’t know since he hasn’t reached enlightenment and is still in his elementary school of getting there.

This is a fair response and in my mind shows we’ll probably never know. And even though Buddha isn’t a god and Buddhism believes in nirvana, it’s one of those things Buddhists just have to trust and believe, as what happens in most religions. It’s a way of providing us a reason to why we’re here and gives us a purpose to keep searching.

We ended our session with a 30 minute meditation where we got to implement what we had just heard and learned. This was an amazing way to end the night and I have lots of practicing to do while I’m here!

The end of this session signified the start of the silent retreat. Only the next 24 hours are required for all of us to be silent, but I think I’ll try and do the rest of the retreat silent as well. I want to really push myself and see what comes from it!

I walked back in the dark to my dorm, took a shower, and then crawled into bed hopeful that I’d have a full nights sleep.

Tomorrow we start bright and early with morning chanting at 6am! It’s going to be an interesting few days and I’m very ready for it!

– Elie

(I probably won’t respond to comments until after the silent retreat, sorry in advance!)